I am sharing a blog I wrote for my relationship site. I hope you find it helpful.
Repairing during and after a fight is key to relationship success all relationships no matter how strong they are the parties will come into conflict and differences of opinion. Schopenhauer the pessimistic philosopher didn’t see an end to conflicts, the inevitable pain and hurt that relationships can create. We are a connected species and it is vital to our emotional and physical wellbeing.
The research evidence is that we can all say and do hurtful things to our Spouse in the heat of the moment. What’s critical is the repair attempt after conflict and how much is in the emotional bank account. The research also shows (3,000 couples were studied) that the repair strategies are unique to each couple. So there is no set pattern or need to follow any rules. Use what works for you to prevent the negative download spiral.
We need to ensure that throughout our relationships that we put in emotional deposits into the love bank account. In other words, that we are being kind and sharing with each other. This healthy balance in the “love bank account” will help determine if the person will receive the repair attempt. If you are being crummy and disrespectful to your spouse on an ongoing basis, then the repair will more than likely go unheard and fail. It’s important to look at the quality of the friendship in the relationship.